Friday, January 9, 2009

Cinema Friday - The Ups And Downs Of A Handyman (1975)


Squire Bullsworthy spanks a young lady he catches trying to disrupt the fox hunt.


Squire Bullsworthy spanks Sue Lloyd

Internet Sites Of Interest:

Geocity's - Ups And Downs
Internet Movie Database (IMDB)


A recently married young couple, Bob (Barry Stokes) and Maggie (Penny Meredith ) inherit a country cottage, arriving in the quaint English village and through fate he starts to become very successful as a local odd job man. Although his success has little to do with his skill at fixing-and-making-good!

Handyman Bob and his wife Margaretta move into a new town, and as Bob sets up shop doing odd jobs and repairs, he discovers that more than a few of his neighbors are a bit on the eccentric side, including a clumsy policeman named Knowles (Chic Murray), a sexually adventurous schoolmarm (Sue Lloyd), and Squire Bullsworthy (Bob Todd), who has more than a passing interest in corporal punishment. Handsome Bob also finds he's a fast favorite with the local housewives, who seem to have more than small repairs on their minds.


Buy VHS - PAL Format

Always Handy - the odd job man whose services are constantly in demand!

It was intended to be the first of a series, but the idea was dropped. The sequel would have been called "Ups and Downs of a Soccer Star", and was to star Julie Lee.

The Ups And Downs Of A Handyman was classified 'X' for its theatrical release in the United Kingdom, in 1975 with the following cut - Near the start of the movie, the scene in which man is making love with his wife when her mother telephones was reduced. In particular, shots when he is partly between her legs and kissing her below her navel were removed. The UK cinema and 1998 Arrow video versions were cut by 26 seconds by the BBFC to reduce shots of Bob kissing Margaretta's groin area during the opening lovemaking scene. The cuts were expanded to 1 min 17 seconds for the 1999 Cinema Club release via a different edit. So when and if you purchase this movie, make sure to get the longest version that you can.

Bob Todd and Chic Murray - Lord and Policeman respectively - were respected character/comedy actors in their day. Like many a good British actor in their old age, they have resorted to acting in sex farces.

In most sex-comedy type films, encountering the easily undressed female is considered quite normal and routine by the lead actor, but in this film he himself begins to think the general sex-obsessed behavior in the town is rather odd. In the closing scene it goes all "Benny Hill" with the hero being chased around outdoors by lots of speeded-up topless/scantily-clad women.

Some of the women to look for are:
Gay Soper, Valerie Leon, Helli Louise, Julia Bond, Jeannie Collings, Alexandra Dane, Nita Lorraine, Olivia Syson and Jannette Carrol.


  • Crew or equipment visible: In the last shot of the bathroom sequence a crew member's hand can be briefly seen touching actress Mrs. Wain's backside, directing her to move out of the way of the camera.

Also Known As (AKA)

  • Ups and Downs of a Handyman, The - UK Video Title
  • Confessions of an Odd-Job Man - UK Video Title
  • The Happy Housewives - Unknown
  • A.A.A. A Mogli Piacenti... Tuttofare Offresi - Italy

My Scenario:

Marie Hansen jumps up on a log and starts to look for John, the news agent. "You're a beast, where are you?"

John runs up to her standing there on the log, he has decided that she is a naughty schoolgirl trying to disrupt their fox hunt. Marie is an undercover woman’s police officer, she is playing a school girl. "Oh oh, ha ha. There you are. You need this."

Her sits down on the log and turns her over his knee. He has no trouble as she's a bit off balance and she falls neatly over his knee. "You wouldn't dare."

He lifts the back of her short dress up over her waist. He starts to hand spank the back of her panties.

Swat. "Aaaaahhhhh." Swat. "Aaaaahhhhh." Swat. "Aaaaahhhhh." Swat. "Aaaaahhhhh." Swat. "Aaaaahhhhh."

She is trying to speak, but is in some pain and having trouble speaking. He doesn't understand her much. "A, a, a, a, a, a,"

"Ah those flat a's again."

Swat. "Aaaaahhhhh." Swat. "Aaaaahhhhh." Swat. "Aaaaahhhhh."

She's trying to get off his knee but can't. "I’m not what you think I am. I'm Marie Hanson."

Swat. "Aaaaahhhhh." Swat. "Aaaaahhhhh." Swat. "Aaaaahhhhh."

He's tanning her pantied backside hard and furious. "Ah, that's Hansson, Not Hanson."

"Marie Hanson, Lieutenant of police."

Swat. "Aaaaahhhhh." Swat. "Aaaaahhhhh."

"Stop slurring your p's."

Swat. "Aaaaahhhhh." Swat. "Aaaaahhhhh."

"Police, not please. Now stop this indignity, this instant."

Swat. "Aaaaahhhhh." Swat. "Aaaaahhhhh." Swat. "Aaaaahhhhh." Swat. "Aaaaahhhhh."

He stops hand spanking her and looks down at her face. She is looking back at him. "What the police."

She is still trying to get up, he holds her tighter. "Why you little minx. How dare you pretend to be a school girl. I think I' finish this spanking as if you where a true school girl."

He looks around hoping to see an old fashion English School Cane. But not seeing one he picks up a switch that is about the same size. "No you can't do that. I'll have you arrested."

He then puts his fingers into the back of her panties and down they come. "Oh my no. You can't."

"Can or can't. I'm still going to teach you a lesson."

Swish. "Yeeeeeeowch." Swish. "Yeeeeeeowch. Stop oh my stop." Swish. "Yeeeeeeowch." Swish. "Yeeeeeeowch. This truly hurts." Swish. "Yeeeeeeowch." Swish. "Yeeeeeeowch."

Up to now the hand spanking had only been more of an annoyance than painful. But that switch was more than she could stand. She broke down and was blubbering like any sixteen year old school girl would have.

"Boo Hoo, Boo Hoo, Boo Hoo, Boo Hoo, Boo Hoo, Boo Hoo, Boo Hoo, Boo Hoo, Boo Hoo, Boo Hoo, Boo Hoo, Boo Hoo, Boo Hoo, Boo Hoo, Boo Hoo, Boo Hoo, Boo Hoo, Boo Hoo, Boo Hoo, Boo Hoo."

Swish. "Yeeeeeeowch." Swish. "Yeeeeeeowch." Swish. "Yeeeeeeowch." Swish. "Yeeeeeeowch."

The switching over, John, the newsagent releases her. She jumps up and yanks up her panties. "I'm going to have you arrested for that. You animal."

She then goes off rubbing her backside. One very sore backside. John goes off and gets up on his horse and continues with the foxhunt.

As for having him arrested, the police didn't. With no witnesses, it was her word against a much respected citizen. He got off with a warning. She couldn't sit down for three days.

1 comment:

Richard Windsor said...

The video is not from "The ups and downs of a handyman", I have the whole film. The scene you are showing is from a French or Danish film which I can't remember the title of, it has been many years since I saw it on Eugene Bernards collection of clips.