Saturday, December 13, 2008

The Paddling Of Diane Simmons

Tom Tucker and Diane Simmons are sitting at the Quahog 5 Evening News, News Desk. They have just finished their news commentary and still have five minutes of on air time to fill. Diane turns to Tom, "Are you sure you want to do this Tom."


Tom smiles. "Of course I do. We had a bet. If I could get us through the show with any time to spare. I got to paddle that delicious backside of yours until we went off the air."

She shakes her head. "But I didn't think that you would be able to do it. I tried my dambdest to string the time out."

Tom stands up and picks up the wooden paddle that he keeps under his news desk. "Bend over the table my dear."

Diane looks at the paddle. It looks huge to her. "Damn you Tom Tucker. I'll get you for this."

Diane lies over the desk and grabs the far side of it with her fingers. Tom reaches down and strokes the back of her tight dress. "Stop that ass hole, just get it over with."

Tom draws the paddle back and: Crack. "OOOOOO." Crack. "OOOOOO. Oh god." Crack. "OOOOOO."

Even though Diane is wearing a dress and panties, the pain still shoots through her backside. She grips the edge of the desk even harder.

Crack. "OOOOOO." Crack. "OOOOOO. Christ, this is humiliating." Crack. "OOOOOO." Crack. "OOOOOO."

Ring. Ring Ring. Tom hears a telephone ring. Diane doesn't. She's too involved with being paddled. The news director picks up the telephone. It's Brian Griffin on the phone.

Director: "Hello."

Brian: "Tell Tom to lift the back of her dress, we want to see a good show for once."

Director: "Sure."

The director then hands up the telephone, as does Brian. Brian goes back with the rest of the Family Guy Family: Peter Griffin, his wife Lois, and children Meg, Chris and Stewie.

Crack. "OOOOOO." Crack. "OOOOOO."

The director steps into the scene. "Stop this."

Tom stops the paddling. Diane looks up at the director. "Thank god, it's over."

The director shakes his head. "No Diane, it's not over. A viewer wants your dress lifted up."

"Fuck you. Not on your life." Tom then goes back to paddling Diane's backside.

Crack. "OOOOOO." Crack. "OOOOOO." Crack. "OOOOOO." Crack. "OOOOOO."

The director of the news yells. "That's it everyone, where off the air."

Tom continues to paddle Diane Crack. "OOOOOO." Crack. "OOOOOO."

She stands up and punches Tom in the chin. Sending him flying through the air. She then walks to her dressing room, rubbing one sore backside.


Two days later, Tom is walking through the newsroom and spots Diane sorting through some old stories in a file cabinet. He smiles as he fantasizes about the paddling he gave her two days previously.


His better judgement gets the better of him and he walks up to Diane and swats her on the tail, with his hand. She jumps from the pain of the paddling two days ago. "Yeeeeeeowch."


She then kicks him square in the balls and he goes down like a sack of potatoes. "Now maybe you know the pain I've been in for two days."


She then walks off. Leaving him on the ground clutching his balls moaning. "OOOOO. OOOOO. OOOOO. OOOOO. OOOOO."

No comments: